It's been two years since we broke up, ,
 but it still feels like it was yesterday
I still look towards your direction sometimes
 Because it's not cool
 So much that I can't do anything about it...
 I even tried to forget you because it was so hard
 Where are you, and what are you doing?
 Maybe worrying is unnecessary
 Do you still remember?
 We cried together saying that
 Even though I'm such a weak crybaby
 I'll wait for years until that day comes
 I'm right here I won't go anywhere anymore
 I want to hear your voice, so I'll call you
 Are you avoiding me?
 But one day I found you
 You were holding hands with the person you love now
 And even though I should've been sad,
 I pretend to be strong
 All I did was wave my hand a little
 Good bye to you
 You, that I love so much that I will never be able to see again
 Goodbye, take care
 July 8th, Sunny day
who am i?Y

your not so typical blood loving light hating chocolate craving midnight pretty monster who runs around the house half naked, goes around breaking rules, listening to other people' s problems but not having the ability to solve her own.

what i ?
chocolates, blood, pretty boys, books!

Tagged yah!

the gazette, random shit

miyavi?

ARCHIVES;

February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010

CREDITS;

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Photobucket.
Blogger.
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Picture 1
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Lyrics of the song "7?8?" by the gazette

Thursday, February 11, 2010
6:16 AM

"there are things in life that you can't hold on forever, no matter how much you fight for it. "



sometimes we just have to give up on a fight. why? because no matter how much we fight for it, we know that it is a battle that cannot be won
giving up doesn't mean that you' re a loser. it may also mean that some things are just not worth fighting for anymore

I tried my best to fight for that certain someone. I ALMOST gave up on everything i believed in
in letting go of the things i cherished (the publication)
but a sudden thought hit me when a certain senior (whom i will not mention) made me think about quitting
that senior said:

"if you can really see him as someone who you' ll be spending your life with then go, quit and give up on your principles, your belief, your cause as a member of the publication. But if you don't think twice dear, or else you might regret your decision"

after a few days of soul searching and deep thinking
it struck me

that certain senior was right

how can i give up on something I've been fighting my whole college life, arguing everyday with my parents because i go home late from all the meetings and press works, the friendships i made inside the organization and the lessons i learned, just for love built on uncertainty?

and now that we' re through, it made me realize that the decision i made on choosing the newspaper over him was right. I saw how i was blinded by what i felt, maybe i was just too young and inexperienced to see through him. That he was still immature and selfish. That i will not only leave the paper but also the people behind it whom i' ve grown to love and respect. That he cannot even defend me in front of adversaries and problems. We both still have a lot of growing up to do.

he really ruined me. and now i' m bearing the consequences of my actions. But i have no regrets. Because i did it on my own free will, and it wasn't his sole fault anyway.

but can you blame me for being bitter towards him?
maybe..he just played around with me.
and while i' m still groping at the edge of my nerves, i see him by the window, smiling and talking to someone on the phone..(heard a girl's voice on the other line)
all i thought of was "What the f*ck?"

promises are easier broken than made.
That's what i learned with this experience with him.
He gave me a motive to like him back.
maybe i was just his rebound
He took advantage of my stupidity,
because i was gullible
i was alone
i was sad
he took advantage of everything
made me believe that he will always be there
made me believe in love
he made me believe.


and the fact i really hate the most is he can still make me cry without doing anything at all.even just seeing his picture


i really really hate him and how he can still affect my life
it's really difficult to move around him

Gazette is the only thing keeping me alive right now
the only force propelling me to go to that god damned forsaken hot as hell office every vacant time
the sole motivating force to make me write again
to endure all their sarcastic words inflicted towards me
to bear all the stress of keeping up with demands and pressures of an academic/catalyst for change student like me


my eyes are still sore
and my heart is still bruised

i will never ever forget all the pain everyone has inflicted upon me
scorn
and "parinig" sessions.
i am still embittered
pero ganun ko kamahal ang dyaryo
i am willing to sacrifice my own comfort
and set aside my feelings of disdain and annoyance
just to accomplish my responsibility

but don't expect me to smile back at you.
whoever you are
i am not happy around any of you

I don't know how i can win this fight and conquer my pain
my bitterness
it's still here silently gnawing inside me
especially all the memories..
keeps eating me alive
and the more i remember
the more i hurt
the more i want to die
the more i wished that i never met him


BUT


i should go and unfold a new chapter in my life
gradually.
as painstakingly as possible
no more mistakes
no rock left unturned
no word left unsaid
no regrets.



live.laugh.love..DIE!