It's been two years since we broke up, ,
 but it still feels like it was yesterday
I still look towards your direction sometimes
 Because it's not cool
 So much that I can't do anything about it...
 I even tried to forget you because it was so hard
 Where are you, and what are you doing?
 Maybe worrying is unnecessary
 Do you still remember?
 We cried together saying that
 Even though I'm such a weak crybaby
 I'll wait for years until that day comes
 I'm right here I won't go anywhere anymore
 I want to hear your voice, so I'll call you
 Are you avoiding me?
 But one day I found you
 You were holding hands with the person you love now
 And even though I should've been sad,
 I pretend to be strong
 All I did was wave my hand a little
 Good bye to you
 You, that I love so much that I will never be able to see again
 Goodbye, take care
 July 8th, Sunny day
who am i?Y

your not so typical blood loving light hating chocolate craving midnight pretty monster who runs around the house half naked, goes around breaking rules, listening to other people' s problems but not having the ability to solve her own.

what i ?
chocolates, blood, pretty boys, books!

Tagged yah!

the gazette, random shit

miyavi?

ARCHIVES;

February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010

CREDITS;

Designer
Photobucket.
Blogger.
Blogskins.
Picture 1
Picture 2
Splatter Brushes
Lyrics of the song "7?8?" by the gazette

Monday, May 17, 2010
4:39 AM



this was the wound i got from sayuri on that fateful day of november 13 in the year 2009




i'm watching the gazette videos right now. *i love this band to pieces!*
and i've come to think that i haven't talked about what i say, a big part of who i am.
My Violin.
so here's a short story on how i came to have a violin of my own.

when i was young i loved listening to songs like most other children my age. i was amazed watching at street performers and music recitals wherein amateur and pro musicians duke it out. i was amazed by how they put all those seemingly useless black notes into wonderful pieces of pure eargasmic bliss.
as i grew older, i watched my brother play with his ultra cool black electric guitar. I've always wanted to own one, but i always hesitated on buying any instrument.

until one day i saw this ultra cool picture of ate Zie in friendster. Well it made me think. she was holding a black violin there. i always liked how the violin and cello produced such heavenly sounds, but again i hesitated. i talked to a lot of people about this but then a certain friend told me:

"if you really want it, go for it. it's better to be the worst violin player in the world than not beig able to hold a violin at all"

so i bought one.
i was so happy that day. i held it while walking around the mall, in it's simple black case. i strapped it around my back, but as i was adjusting the straps, i got wounded.it was a long but shallow wound on my left thumb.
so i decided upon my violin's name.

Sayuri.


feisty as her owner, and yet as pure as a lily. untouched.
it was also inspired by a character from Arthur Golden's book.
i really wanted to be as "pursigido" as Sayuri.


it maybe quiet expensive, and that it may take me a really long time to finally end my pursuit of creating that perfect or ideal sound but i know everything will be worth it.♥

imma quote my beloved Uruha, the lead guitarist of the gazette

"until now, i didn't realize how a musical instrument can change one's life"

and indeed it changed mine.♥

live.laugh.love..DIE!

Sunday, May 16, 2010
10:13 AM

lately, life has neither been happy or sad. memories or old friends didn't haunt me like they used to. i almost forgotten about everything else except wanting to buy new art materials, eating, breathing and going to sleep with my Mp3 player in hand.

i am half expecting for something else to happen, to break my lousy vacation's monotony. but what? material goods? exciting adventures? a new love? reunions with old friends? i myself do not know what i really want or what i am hoping for. it's just that i need to want something right now, to fuel me to go further, alone or with the companionship of my so called friends.


no, i am not bored either. i feel like I'm having a much deserved, stress free vacation, away from my mother's loud voice, or reprimands of people around me, far from pressure, work and more more work in the university.But still there's something aching inside me, im longing for something familiar. i''ve noticed i held my own hands more than i should, as if i was holding on to someone else's palms.
i find myself longing for a some familiar warmth,from a friend or from someone special like my loved ones. the laughter, the affection i had before everything else went underway, before my work and school became much of a burden to me.

as much as i want to feel again, something deep inside me hinders it. the more the days pass by, as i learn to appreciate the beauty of solitude, the more i find myself losing my grip with humanity. it's like i live for me and me alone.

I've written a lot of letters but seriously i don't know to whom i should give it to. i might as well keep it for journal archiving.

i know random shits don't usually affect me. i find myself getting more and more numb. i am heartless as my mother often tell me. i feel for no one and no one feels for me either. it's me against me, me against the world, me against mediocrity. Maybe i just got disenchanted with life.

and for certain people, my sister said to me:
"alam mo naiintindihan kita, sila na rin naman ang gumawa ng dahilan kung bakit lumayo ang loob nila saýo"

for normal sisters this kind of advice/ word for thought is normal. BUT between us it's not. my sister knows how i hate melodrama sh*ts and all crappy dramatic stuff, so for me to hear her speak to me this way is really really rare. maybe she also noticed. I've gotten uncomfortable with some people whom i will not mention for people for the sake of privacy both theirs and mine, that it isn't surprising if i feel awkward with them and that during the short span of months we shared i grew more and more distant. they shoved me away. I'm fine with that. so whether i see them or not will not make an inkling of a difference, much better if i don't. *for the sake of burying the hatchet, goodness sake*


i'm really looking backwards anymore or thinking of "what ifs" and "i should" in life. i've realized i have only ONE lifetime, might as well live it with no resentments or regrets. But if you're thinking that im going to be optimistic heck no. i might as well live with no emotions at all. the first time i let my guard down i got hurt, embarrassed and humiliated way worse than what i imagined. for me, life is a war, and i might as well be prepared to fight anytime. alert and unfeeling.

i fight to survive another day.
composer but never composed.
let's sing the symphonies of the overdosed.

let's do this.

live.laugh.love..DIE!

Monday, May 3, 2010
8:16 AM

i've watched gakky and jun's smile.
it broke my heart.
really nice jdrama. :)

live.laugh.love..DIE!